it's been a while since i wrote a declaration of love for my man, and i believe there should be frequent reminiscing about how us wives are feeling for having our husbands. i absolutely love the quote, "choose your love. love your choice." i love how it implies that love is an action and a decision. it isn't a state of being that exists permanently after being achieved once. i've seen a lot of couples just in my own young life that fell in and out of love, sometimes even after building a family together! love is a decision. honestly, there are some days when i get so frustrated with something about drake or something that happened because of him, that i begin to dwell on as many negatives as i can. and i begin feeling sorry for myself, or like i deserve better, or have to put up with so much. those are obviously terrible days for me. and they happened a lot more frequently at the beginning of our marriage when i felt entitled to perfection. however, i developed a little habit that has done wonders. i remember that i CHOSE him already, and i need to love my choice. that means i need to forget about the little bothersome things that don't really matter. they are so SMALL anyway! all the big, important stuff... that's where he shines. that's why i love him. and that's why i chose him. then, even while pouting or fueled with rage, i immediately feel swept off my feet again because guys, my man is amazing. and he keeps getting better.
yeah, our first few months were indeed months of adjustment and sacrificing. i had this image of what marriage should be, and drake's image didn't always match up. we also were working so much and often times didn't see each other during the day, except on weekends. we were living with another family and sometimes our privacy was limited. but we somehow built this awesome relationship from those months. now, honestly the contention is a bare minimum all the time. drake doesn't come home grouchy from work or school. he just never does. he is just never grouchy. when i come home grouchy, he senses it before anything can happen and manages to bring a smile to my face that melts my poor attitude. he makes me laugh. a lot. i love that. i'm always laughing around him. most of our real arguments are actually done in a playful manner, which makes them a lot less likely to explode and a lot more effective. he doesn't always anticipate the chores that he could do to make my life better (that was part of my original married dream), but he does do anything i ask of him. if i'm sick of dishes this time, all i have to do is ask for help, and viola, there he is. if i ask him to remember to hang his towel up so it can air out and not start to smell, he does. if i hint the garbage is getting close to needing taken out, he takes it out. we learned how to compromise. instead of me getting put out that he wasn't just doing all the stuff i wanted him to magically know i wanted him to do, now i just ask him and it's done. huge unnecessary argument averted. this also works with things like "will you rub my feet? they're feeling swollen tonight." i love him.
there's been a few different experiences in our lives since our marriage that have been emotionally hard to deal with. we've each lost family members and dealt with our miscarriage. through those times, i've been so incredibly grateful to have such a strong, solid man that is just my rock. he hugs me tight when i'm lost in my own grief and that simple act transfers so much love to me that i feel a little bit better. these are also the times (because it's not always true) that i appreciate his lack of emotion display. when i'm over the top emotional, which can be often, he never makes the situation worse or more emotional... he just is strong and rock solid. there are some times when i wish he would show a little more of his emotions :) but i've found how much i appreciate it sometimes too.
recently we babysat a friend's baby for two days and nights. i had so much fun and i especially had fun watching drake with baby kayzie. he's a natural. i loved seeing how much he liked playing with her, how he wasn't embarrassed to baby talk or make funny noises, how he would give her anything she wanted to make her happy. i just melted. and i know that he is going to be the most perfect man to raise a family with. family has always been number one to him, and i love that.
then, there's the spiritual stuff. with recent events, i've had some questions about what happens next, what i believe, and what is really true. i had conversations with a few people that upset me instead of comforted me. i came home a little stirred up and just started asking him questions. we talked it out and i realized how similar we are in what we believe and think. he made me feel a million times better. he verified what i believed and gave his own insights that felt right to me too. he was just an amazing comfort and extremely firm in his faith. my little brother, cole, actually asked drake to baptize him. it's a pretty huge honor, if you ask me. he loves his big brothers. witnessing drake be with cole and take part in his special moment melted my heart. he gave cole pointers about getting dunked and what to expect. he was amazing. i just felt so happy knowing that my children have such a great example to look up to. it was a special day for all of us and i can't wait to experience many more!i love that man and all that he stands for. i love how he loves me and makes me feel loved. i love how he puts up with all of my imperfections and still manages to choose to love me. i love being married to him and how every day is a good day.
babe, if you ever do see this, know that i love you forever and always, and i still tell the world all about it! :)
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