facebook reflection march 2011

So I just found this on my facebook wall. A reflection I was challenged to write and share about the past year of my life (in 2011). I remember writing this- it was serious therapy. But reading it again, three years later was pretty cool. Since it's definitely worth keeping in my blogbook.... here it is again. Enjoy! There's sure to be a two-year follow up soon! 

March 24, 2011

365 days... and nobody died haha

I was challenged recently to reflect on this past year of my life, and then to share some of my feelings with someone special. What I realized was I have SO many people to be grateful for in this past year, and through facebook I can reach most of them. So here it is:

This past year has been the greatest stretch in my life. I've never had my limits tested as much. It was frequently uncomfortable, the stretching, but the growth and increase I've felt as a person, as a spirit, as a Daughter of God has been amazing and life-changing. I am sincerely, from the bottom of my heart and soul, grateful for every thing that has transpired in my life (every tiny little crappy, or simple, or joyful thing).

I guess I must begin with the passing of my dear Grandpa Larry. Last March was a huge month in my life. God had blessed me with relatively smooth roads for most of my life, the greatest loss I had had was my favorite gray bunny, Sunny :) I guess he figured it was about time I learned some lessons on life. Lesson #1: Life is Hard. This was the first time I even almost questioned my testimony. Would I really see my grandpa again? Is he happy? How will we get through this heartbreak? It's not fair he won't see me graduate high school, or go to BYU. Is it all real? Is the Plan of Salvation real? Do I really believe this?? These questions began to weigh heavily on my mind because all of a sudden, life became real. Life became bigger than me. I needed to stretch. I guess the only thing that made sense was to turn more to God and find out for myself. During those couple weeks I felt heartache, painful sorrow, regrets, discouragement, and fear. But I found comfort and peace, the strongest being: "Be strong, and of a good courage; Be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed, for the Lord thy God is with thee, withersoever thou goest." I memorized this scripture so I could literally recite it over and over again in my mind when I felt scared or discouraged. It was, and still is, a HUGE blessing. So Lesson #2: If I turn to God when I experience those hard things in life, he blesses me AND teaches me something (or many things). This came in handy a week and a half later when Drake left on his mission.

No big deal, my closest friend for four years is just going thousands of miles away for two years. I'll still get snail-mail (if he bothers to send that haha)... should be a piece of cake! Haha... false. It definitely took some uncomfortable stretching to get used to life again. I wanted to gain a sincere testimony of missionary-work so I could have a sincere desire of Drake serving the Lord. That took a little work, but again, God blessed me with insane spiritual growth. I can honestly say now that Drake serving a mission has been the best decision we ever made together. I can see how it has blessed and enriched not only his life, but his family's, my family's, and countless families in Chile. The people love him, as his facebook has made obvious, and he is growing and stretching just as much as I have here at BYU. What began as a petty trial in a love-sick teenager's life has become one of the greatest blessings I've ever been granted. Lesson #3: Putting God first always always always gives you blessings you didn't even know you needed.

I was also blessed with an amazing Seminary experience. Brother Goodworth, I loved my seminary years and miss it a lot! My Senior year was very very special. Thank you for the example you are, and for you awesome family! Love you all!

So those two life-changing events prepared me for the even bigger shocker of moving out to Provo, Utah and being three hours away from any friends or family. I was definitely scared. I didn't know anyone I didn't haven any friends. For some reason, I'd felt the strong impression to change my enrollment from Fall to Summer. This meant I began school three weeks after I graduated high school. I was moving into an apartment of complete strangers. I was terrified. But God watched over me. Yet again, more blessings than I probably ever have deserved. My roommates have been amazing from Day 1. I can not even begin to describe the divine qualities each of my roommates possess. They are so trusting in the Lord, so diligent, so faithful and unwavering. They are awesome examples of all the little things, like yoga and good movies. We have apartment FHE on Sundays that is separate from the ward FHE and we have apartment prayer every night. We have random dance parties in the apartment when one roommate is down. One roommate made her amazing cookies for a Relief Society lesson of mine because I wanted to "spice it up." Lesson #4: Listening to God, and taking that step into the dark when you're terrified, will always bring you happiness you NEVER could have planned for yourself.

Also my opportunity to serve as Relief Society teacher has been amazing. I was terrified at first. I felt so young and inadequate. I thought that the President was a little misled :) However, this has been one of the greatest blessings in my life as well. I honestly look forward to teaching every chance I get!

Then there is Kendall. This is what Kendall has taught me: Lesson #5: God is in every single, teeny, tiny, seemingly unimportant decisions in our lives and He can see the whole giant picture, and He does know what is best, and He does bring that honest joy to our lives. So I transfer to Summer Enrollment, and on Day 1, I meet Kendall Grafiada in my Y-Group. What are the chances? I firmly believe this was all apart of God's plan.

She has honestly taught me more about myself than anyone before ever has. Together we've been through a lot already. She's standing by me through all my little trials and emotional breakdowns. She takes care of me. She "fills my love bucket". She cracks me up. She lifts me up. And she's been more of a testimony-booster than she can even comprehend. She is the strongest girl I know. The things she's been through, and continues to push through are amazing. I don't know what I did to deserve a friend like Kendall, but (as much as she tries to convince me it's the opposite) she is my angel. Lesson #6: God sends angels into our lives. Lesson #7: I can be a literal angel for someone else, and that's what life is all about, and I've never ever felt a stronger, deeper, better joy.

Wow... this is long, but there's so much more I'm grateful for! Being away from Idaho and my family has also made my appreciation for everything at home so much greater. I would never have had the opportunity to study here at BYU if I didn't have the tremendous help from my family. From money stresses to my computer to the random phone calls that make my day to the visits from family to the extra long hugs when I get home... I appreciate my family more than ever before. Every single person. Lesson #8: My family is pure amazing-ness :)

Also, I have felt so much love from Drake's family. May's- I love you all! You guys mean the world to me, and I miss you like crazy!! Not much longer now until I join your ranks ;) Ahhhhhh!!!

And now, I can see how this past year has prepared me for life. I can see God's hand in every aspect, and I can feel my spirit burning stronger than ever before. I've never been this happy. It's amazing. The gospel is real. My Heavenly Father's love for me is individual, and He cares about the smallest details in my happiness. The atonement is real. I've seen it work and change lives. Jesus Christ loves me, and is my Redeemer. I am not ashamed of my beliefs and this past year I've been surrounded by people that don't budge in their testimonies. What amazing examples in my life. I want to set that example for my younger siblings and cousins and all other little eyes watching me. BYU has been one the best things in my life, but as much as I want to say it's because BYU is God's University ;) I'll simply say that I'm so happy because I prayed, got an answer, and confidently did what I knew God's will for me was. I know I could not have found this true of happiness without that. I know how I want to live my life for the rest of my life.

If you took the time to read this, know that you have been an inspiration in my life. I'm grateful for all of the angels in my life. I love my Mom.

Me and my mommy :-)

I love my Grandma. I love my sisters. I love my family. And I love all of my friends from Idaho and BYU. You all add to my happiness. I hope to set a good example for you all.